dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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