You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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