my vag is so smooth its legendary
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
