You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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