There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
