she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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