I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
