if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
