i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
