I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
