i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
