is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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