the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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