they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
