You can't special order awesome
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
