Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
whose parrot is this?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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