He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
