Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My bed smells like the plague
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
