i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
