TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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