Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
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we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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We were destined to go to rehab together
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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