Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
