I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
