I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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