just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize