Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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