He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
