Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
