Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
a search helicopter?!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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