I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
