I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
