Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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