Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The air was thick with penises
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
