I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just made out with a guy for $7.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
