i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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