you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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