I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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