Best friends brother. Beat that.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
