This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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