I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize