What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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