you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
