Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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