im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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