Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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