Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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