Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
