Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
