Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
