Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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