i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
