My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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