All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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