I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
