a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
