i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
