Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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