Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
