White coat. Heels.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants