eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.