Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
