She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
