I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
