Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
