omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
