i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
organizing the empties. That sober.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
