He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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