Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
