Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
