You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
