how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
