I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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