Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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