I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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