Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
