For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
