are you so shy because you have an std?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
