I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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