according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
