The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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